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We're Denton Dammit

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Lucinda Breeding

You may remember last year when Denton ISD reading teacher Kelli Hauser -- a.k.a. Lady Hauza -- released a music video to get her students pumped for the STAAR test. That was her seventh year to make a motivational music video, where she rewrites the lyrics of a popular song so that students can relate to it. Every year it gets bigger and better than the last. Last year, Hauser spoofed Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, turning "Thrift Shop" into "Test Shop." The year before, Hauser redid Bruno Mars' "Uptown Funk."

She just released her newest video -- this time for Chrissy Mallouf of Keller William Realty by Design. This is a parody of Bruno Mars song "24K Magic," written by Hauser. Mallouf has won best realtor in Denton for three years in row. Check it out here:

The Denton Police Department will start enforcing parking regulations on Russell Street, Lt. Frank Padgett said Tuesday. Russell Street is a dinky little street that runs for one block between Hickory and Mulberry streets, on the east side of the Denton Record-Chronicle building and behind the Industrial Street businesses like Dan's Silverleaf and Fuzzy's Taco Shop. The problem? Downtown motorists continue to pull up to the curb next to the DRC building all the way up to the stop sign at Hickory and Russell -- which blocks the two-way traffic. The illegal parking is causing obstruction and accidents at Hickory and Russell, police said.

Becki McDonald, a Plano theater teacher with lots of acting credits on the Denton stage, intervened on behalf of a beleaguered Starbucks barista last Thursday. A customer erupted when she found out the Unicorn Frappuccino was sold out. There was cussing, and McDonald tried to settle the angry customer's hash by reminding her that delayed access to the sugary, rainbow-colored faux milkshake was no reason for getting salty with the help. McDonald got a few stripes herself from the customer. But she also got free tea and food for chastening a sore loser. "This has not been the worst moment today," the barista said. Be gentle, frappe fans.

So far in early voting, more Denton voters have cast ballots for District 2 incumbent Keely Briggs, who has no opponent, than in District 1, which has a three-way race to replace Kevin Roden.

Lori McLain, a longtime Denton resident, is a finalist in another cooking contest. McLain has a tropical tuna melt quesadilla recipe in the running for the Chicken of the Sea's Best of the Sea 2017 recipe contest. Winners can get their recipe into the menu database of the popular tuna brand, and $100. She's among 25 finalists. Try out her recipe here:

A member of the music club at Robson Ranch gave its director, Arturo Ortega, a special gift: a towel with his name embroidered onto it. Ortega, a Dallas resident who conducts regularly for the Denton musical theater scene, conducts so enthusiastically that he has to mop his brow a lot.

Just a few years back, Denton's Ready Rosie was in the early stages of its purpose: teaching parents how to get their little ones ready for school curriculum. Now, founder Emily Roden is taking the program overseas -- to the United Arab Emirates. The company now offers programs for parents of babies, preschoolers and elementary school students for English, Spanish and Arabic speakers.

Well, now we know where Peelander-Z stands on the whole Buc-ee's issue. The high-energy, high jinks-prone rock band -- from Japan by way of New York by way of Austin, or if you ask them, direct from planet Peelander -- busted out a song called "Beaver Fever" at Dan's Silverleaf last weekend during Thin Line X. The band that unleashed human bowling and a Dan's-wide bout of limbo doesn't get terribly cerebral here -- the lyrics largely involve the band leading the crowd in shouting "Beaver! Fever!" over and over. Stickers on a couple of guitars and frontman Peelander-Yellow's mic stand bore the chipper beaver face that'll soon grace the side of I-35E in Denton.

They're road warriors -- they clearly appreciate tidy bathrooms.

Denton Bible Church got a stinging rebuke from some residents on Facebook on Tuesday. The Denton megachurch was the venue for a meeting of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. The council, which refers to itself as "a coalition for biblical sexuality," met last week with an explicit focus on "the transgender revolution" (the tagline is on a slide shown in a photo shared on social media). Denton resident Amber Briggle, an outspoken advocate for equality for transgender Americans and the mom of a transgender son, noted that the council's meeting at the local church was sparsely attended. In the photograph she shared -- which focused on the first six or seven rows -- most of the seats appeared to be filled.

Chef Sarah Penrod, a Denton native who was a top four finalist on season 10 of Food Network Star, has a new cookbook coming out May 1. Urban Cowgirl: Decadently Southern, Outrageously Texan, Food, Family Traditions, and Style for Modern Life, is a collection of recipes and traditions that get Penrod's forward-thinking twist.

Parting Shot

"If you've never been to a Catholic Mass before, that is the longest experience of your life. Makes you look forward to going to the DMV."

-- comedian Jim Gaffigan

Denton Dammit is an old-fashioned gossip column about people, places and things in and around Denton. Send your submissions to Lucinda Breeding at