Pam Rainey

We’ve entered the boomerang generation.

Until recently, I didn’t really know that term refers to the “open door” policy some parents have for their grown kids.

Boomerang children are adults who show up on mom and dad’s doorstep.

They intend to stay as long as they can, eat their parents’ food, enjoy their parents’ television and accept little of the responsibilities of the home.

Many hardships on senior adult parents can result when the boomerang gang infest the nest they once detested.

Financial hardships are just the beginning of the troubles that follow.

Just when some parents think it’s down to just the two of them again, and maybe a little what you thought would be extra jingle in the checking account, it turns out to be the sound of the jangle of the front door opening and closing with children you thought would now be on their own.

Maybe the scenario is something like this: You married young and started your family before you celebrated your first wedding anniversary. There was no time for romance and less time to accumulate a savings account. Never complaining, you embraced the path you had been dealt. All the while, you looked forward to the time you and your spouse could reconnect — alone.

It was hard working to support your family, but you made sure every child had enough.

First, the needs were small. School lunches and small toys were not that expensive.

But then the kids’ needs became greater. They signed up for sports and eventually needed tuition for college.

Just when you thought you and your spouse could finally breathe and the kids were on their own, you found yourself not only living with a grown child who has returned home, but your child’s tagalongs, too.

Money, space and freedom became tight again, along with feelings that can be summed up with one word: resentment.

According to Lin Burress, in an article titled “The Boomerang Generation: Selfish Entitlement Issues,” the trend is on the rise.

“There’s an ever-increasing number of children growing up with selfish sense of entitlement, children refusing to grow up, thinking the world owes them what they desire,” she writes. 

Would we ever think the darling babies we cared for and coddled would treat us with such disrespect? It is happening all the time and all over America.

Let’s face it, in today’s economy, things happen and situations have occurred such as lost jobs or illnesses that force families to unite under one roof. But setting ground rules will make togetherness a little easier on everyone.

The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home, by Christina Newberry, gives some helpful guidelines for senior adults in this situation:

* It may be hard to remember adult children living at home are still adults. A good way to set yourself up for conflict is to over-parent your adult children.

* Don’t give your adult child a free ride. Even a short stay should require them to contribute to house expenses and chores. Set up a budget at the onset as well as expectations.

* Draft up a contract and stick to it regarding smoking, drinking or using drugs in your home as well as who may or may not stay overnight.

* Do not compromise your own financial situation to support your adult children at home.

We never stop being Mom or Dad. Love for our children will always be locked in that special place of a parent’s heart. But the old saying really is true: We learn best what we learn for ourselves. And usually, that learning is done combined with failure, struggle and finally success. It seems those hard lessons really are the only ones well-remembered.

PAM RAINEY writes a monthly column about issues concerning senior citizens. You can contact her by sending e-mail to rpmrny@cs.com.