Recently I’ve looked around and about the home my husband built 27 years ago, where we still live. When our home was new, it was alive with small children, their friends and family gatherings. Now we are empty-nesters and our home has grown quiet. But we sure have a lot of stuff. Most of it isn’t ours, it seems.

Pam Rainey

Sure, we have plenty of things we’ve collected over the years, but as we get older and think about downsizing, we realize most of our accumulation belongs to our grown children who no longer live with us.

The treasures we’re storing include boxes of meaningful T-shirts our daughters had from first grade through college. Then there are the trophies and ribbons collected when one daughter showed cattle. Our other daughter still has her collection of college textbooks from her freshman year through her master’s program at the University of North Texas.

You tell me how we could explain selling these keepsakes in a garage sale along with their prom dresses.

I suspect many parents of grown children have the same problem of treasure clutter that we do. Thus, out of our cluttered closets was borne this column. Hopefully, through my research and with a little sensitivity, we can begin to explore the issue of decluttering.

One thought: We could all move. Then, the kids have a choice. They can forfeit their things or pick up what’s theirs, because it’s not getting on our moving van.

But if we are perfectly honest, we might agree that a lot of the treasures stored in our closets and attics belong to us, not the kids.

My mother did my sister and me a great favor. She was very unselfish and so thoughtful. Before she passed away, she gave most of her belongings away. If someone complimented a vase, piece of art or furniture, she gave it to them.

I’m not suggesting that’s the way you should do it. But when she died, she had only a small amount of worldly belongings. Either my sister or I really wanted or needed most of the remaining items. My mother was a wise woman.

Recently, I’ve helped people relocate from their homes of 40-60 years. Although they’ve gone to new, beautiful homes, it cannot be discounted that they are leaving lives and memories behind. Moving can be difficult. Making decisions about what to keep and what to toss can be more difficult.

If you are moving to a smaller space and trying to decide what to keep and what give to charity, there are some questions you might want to ask yourself.

An article titled “How to Downsize When Moving to a Smaller Home: Getting Rid of Stuff” by Diane Schmidt answers a few questions. Hopefully her suggestions will help you organize or get ready to downsize.

Diane says: “First start with the areas of your home that you don’t use much, as it is easier to get rid of items in attics, basements or storage rooms.” This way we are not dealing with items we’ve grown attached to.

Here are some questions to ask as the decisions get more difficult:

* When was the last time I used this item?

* Is this item broken?

* Will my children or grandchildren really want this?

* Do I really love this item or is it something I could do without?

* Is this item a part of my yesterdays? Is it time to say goodbye to it?

Whether you are downsizing to a smaller home, moving in with relatives or making other living arrangements, moving can be an emotional experience at any time in our lives. Be kind to yourself.

Take your time and look forward to what is ahead. Find something that makes you happy about your new living arrangement — even if it is to be less cluttered and more organized.

And remember: Getting rid of our stuff is hard. After all, it’s our stuff.

There is a little book I keep by my computer titled No Limits but the Sky. One of my favorite quotes, by an unknown author, seems appropriate for one who is moving to the unknown, ending a season of their life or beginning a new one.

It goes like this: “Cherish your yesterdays, dream your tomorrows, but live your todays. Tomorrow belongs to those who fully use today.”

PAM RAINEY is a 40-year Denton resident and a real estate agent who has helped many seniors make decisions about living arrangements. She serves on the advisory board of Good Samaritan Village and has written a column for the Denton Record-Chronicle for 15 years. You can reach her with column suggestions at RpmRny@cs.com or 940-367-1188.