Ryan Barnhart

What do Muhammad Ali, Michael Jordan, Reggie White and Babe Ruth have in common with an avid fantasy football player?

Those great athletes excelled at talking smack. They had no qualms about telling their opponent of their prowess, or talking trash to gain an advantage.

Trash talking, according to dictionary.com, is disparaging or boastful language used especially to demoralize or intimidate opponents.

Ali was proficient at debasing opponents; Jordan, White and Ruth used their excessive gabbing as a means of intimidation. Other professional athletes talk trash vindictively through media outlets to garner attention because of selfish ambitions and an apparent inferiority complex. And sometimes, athletes like boxers, NASCAR drivers and NFL cornerbacks talk smack to gain confidence.

Trash talking is usually unnecessary and annoying, but often an integral piece of athletics. Certain athletes like Brett Favre, Derek Jeter, Tiger Woods and Steve Nash seem above the habit because it is ungentlemanly. We would never expect to hear them rattle on about how great they are or blast an opponent. But with certain prima donnas, it is expected.

Trash talking is also expected in fantasy football. In fact, it is encouraged. Most host sites have a posting board for talking smack. But in order for you to be a successful trash-talker in your league, I will provide four unwritten rules to trash talking.

First, you need to be good at what you’re talking about. If you’re not, you just humiliate yourself and everyone laughs at you, not your comments. Nobody would have listened to Deion Sanders had he been burnt toast every time a quarterback threw a fade his way. Larry Bird’s bantering would have been mocked instead of respected had he not been a legend. So never trash talk in fantasy football when you’re 2-8. That is why now, as a graduate from KU, I can talk smack on anyone who attended a college that does not have a football and a basketball team in the top five.

Second, your trash talk must be funny. Chad Johnson and Warren Sapp are of the Ali mold: athletes who make reporters and fans laugh with their antics and words. The topics of trash-talking can vary, but it must be witty.

Rules number three and four are that your trash talk should be rated PG and never personal. Just because you lost a fantasy football game to your buddy doesn’t supply you with ammunition to profanely abuse him about his recent divorce. Tell him he has a roster full of overpaid, steroid-using professional athletes that couldn’t beat your son’s junior high football team, but don’t attack him. And don’t lace the posting board with expletives because his little girl might use the computer after him.

We enjoy trash talking because the humorous, clean, non-personal jab from a friend never really bothers most men anyway. After all, one of the male love languages is sarcasm. It’s like when you get married and your best man says at the toast, “None of us will ever know how a man as ugly as you out-kicked your coverage and ended up with a beautiful woman like her, but congratulations. We couldn’t be happier for you.”

We just smile widely and say, “I don’t know how I did it either.”

Speaking of vindictive trash talkers, Terrell Owens is gaining on Randy Moss as the top fantasy wide receiver.

Former waiver wire pickups Ryan Grant, Selvin Young, Jesse Chatman and Maurice Morris had nice games at running back. Greg Jones had two touchdowns on three carries and Darren Sproles had two on zero carries. That’s productivity!

Fantasy owners certainly have the right to talk smack for having the foresight to pick up these gems, which is what I did with Young when Travis Henry failed another drug test. But I won’t talk smack on my unwise opponents; I’ll choose to be gentlemanly and take the high road.

RYAN BARNHART is a teacher and coach at Liberty Christian School in Argyle. His column runs Thursdays through the football season. For questions or comments, e-mail rybarns@yahoo.com .