03:44 PM CST on Thursday, November 3, 2005

Hometown: The part of Plano where it's acceptable to not drive a Beemer. Grew up in Glendale, Ariz., which is a lot like Phoenix, but with more 7-Elevens and tattoo parlors.

Education: Attended the University of Arizona, where more than 30,000 students pursue basketball tickets, and occasionally, higher learning. Graduated magna cum laude, which is Latin for "without money." Studied journalism, at least on most weekdays.

Career: After spending three excruciating hours at a Tucson city council meeting, decided to be a sports writer. Worked at several newspapers in Arizona as a writer and editor, covering events such as the Fiesta Bowl, the NBA finals and a high school basketball game that featured a total of nine points. Invited to join The Dallas Morning News in 1999 as a copy editor for SportsDay. Asked employer if hiring included signing bonus, was laughed at, decided to take job anyway. Became Collin County sports columnist in 2003 and then high school sports columnist in 2005.

Humor columns: Started writing them many years ago, when audience was limited to wife and spammable friends. Columns ran in a couple of Arizona newspapers before making appearances in The News, and DallasNews.com began running the columns in the summer of 2004. Spammable friends rejoiced and changed their e-mail addresses.

If I had two spare hours, I would: spend the time with my two boys, apologizing to them for being an embarrassing dad.

Something people don't know about me: I am dedicated to uncovering the truth in every column that I write. Also, I am actually a 76-year-old woman with eight grandchildren. I live with four cats and love Oreo cookies.

Every Friday, Dallas Morning News staffer Matt Wixon  brings the funny to Break Room.   Click here to read past "Humor me" columns.   E-mail Matt Wixon